Thursday, October 16, 2008

Up close and personal with my upstairs neighbors.

Why the hell are people so inconsiderate? I know this is a stupid question. It's kind of like asking why the sky is blue . . .it just is, and people just are. But lately it has been increasingly difficult to resist the urge to demand a change in behavior from the people that are on the outskirts of my life. They are not friends, family, co-workers, or clients. They are somewhat anonymous faces that live on my block or in my building.

#1 Upstairs Douchebag (UD) and his Squealing/Sobbing Girlfriend (SSG).

We have wood floors in our building, so at first, it was difficult for everyone to get used to UD clomping around. In the beginning it sounded like an elephant lived up there. The sound coming from his apartment was so loud, it scared the cats. It took Frankie 3 days to work his way from my bedroom to the living room. Everytime he heard UD get up to go to the bathroom, Frankie freaked, and scurried into the back of my closet. Time has taken care of that problem, because none of us seem to notice his regular movement anymore.

Then all of a sudden my sister heard them doing the nasty in the living room in the middle of the night. When she told me about it, I sort of didn't believe her. I guess I had to hear it myself, and boy did I. During a power outage in the middle of the summer, I was sitting on my bed trying to figure out what to do with all the boredom when, suddenly, my virgin ears were tainted. I had no escape from the sounds of sweet, sweet, (and a little over acted) lovin' coming from UD's apartment. As unpleasant as it was, I was a bit jealous that they at least had something to do when there was no tv or internet.

Just the other night UD and his SSD officially stepped out of bounds in my mind. They got in a HUGE fight in the MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT!!!! I'm talking, game on at like 1:30am. They threw all sorts of things at each other, there was crying, screaming, name calling, and the stomping. Someone was wearing some heals, and someone was also pouting. And they went from one end of the apartment to the other. Over and over and over and over. The whole time I was witness to how much UD wanted SSD out of his house because she is a psycho bitch. The only problem here is that UD kept saying it, but nothing was happening. He was like a broken record. My sister and I listened, laughed, teased, and laughed some more. Then around 2:30am it stopped being funny. The realization that I had to be at work in the morning was setting in. After several dares to knock on UD's door and ask SSD to actually leave, I chose the chicken shit choice of pounding on the ceiling with a broom. I had to do this 2 or 3 times before the lovers were hushed.

I went to bed pissed and woke up even more pissed when I saw that SSD's car was still parked out back. She never left. What a pussy!!!! UD yelled for 2 hours about how he wanted her out, in fact, that was the only line he used the whole time, and she was still there. And worse, it is now 8 am and I am up guzzling coffee, staring down a full day, and there is nothing but sleepy silence comeing from UD's pad. Yeah, thats right, I'm up late while they work out their problems, and they are snuggled in bed while I am struggling to get the show on the road. While I begrudgingly got ready for work, I contemplated ways to exact revenge on these idiots. The next opportuntiy I get, I am going to blare some classic Cher into their early morning hours, so they can maybe feel just a little bit like me.

I just took a smoke break from my rant and I am now too tired to work on #2. So maybe another time. I want to upload some pictures that I took because it will be more fun.

No comments: