Sunday, November 2, 2008

New Pictures

Here's some new pictures I took on Halloween whilst being bored on the front porch. I joke, I had fun with friends on the porch. We even had a few trick or treaters. Fun times.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Mom's Stuff

My mom was on vacation from her grueling job last week. Because of this I got to spend a couple evening with her making pizza and chatting. Actually, she pretty much made the pizza while we chatted. Cooking is her thing. I only help when asked. I did however start snooping around the house while playing with my craptastic digital camera. I took some pictures for fun, and after messing around with them, I loved the way they turned out.

This picture, and the last are the same picture with different effects. It has been a long time since I looked at my mom's china. I don't remember what the pattern is, but I used to love looking at this when I was younger. I still do. I even love the way the china cabinet smells on the inside.

This is the back of a dining room chair. Most of my mothers funiture has been worn to death overtime. This hole could very well have been started with me. I can remember trying to jam my fingures, and all sorts of things, in the circular holes made by the weave. I am not taking responsibilty for this hole, because they are way too many other things that I broke on the way out of childhood that I have had to take blame for.

This is a close up of a giant desk that is actually mine. I got it for hardly anything, and I left it at home when I left because it was so big and my first apartment was so small. Also, my youngest sister needed something for her computer. So it stayed. I hope to get it back someday when they are done with it. I'd like to use it for my sewing machine. No rush though, I still don't know how to sew.

This is a picture of my mom's detached garaged. I inverted the colors in the picture for fun and ended up liking the result. The picture looks so cold and lonely, which is the exact opposite feeling that I get at my mothers. I have spend quite a few evenings on the back deck staring at this. I also loved the combo of colors.

Up close and personal with my upstairs neighbors.

Why the hell are people so inconsiderate? I know this is a stupid question. It's kind of like asking why the sky is blue . . .it just is, and people just are. But lately it has been increasingly difficult to resist the urge to demand a change in behavior from the people that are on the outskirts of my life. They are not friends, family, co-workers, or clients. They are somewhat anonymous faces that live on my block or in my building.

#1 Upstairs Douchebag (UD) and his Squealing/Sobbing Girlfriend (SSG).

We have wood floors in our building, so at first, it was difficult for everyone to get used to UD clomping around. In the beginning it sounded like an elephant lived up there. The sound coming from his apartment was so loud, it scared the cats. It took Frankie 3 days to work his way from my bedroom to the living room. Everytime he heard UD get up to go to the bathroom, Frankie freaked, and scurried into the back of my closet. Time has taken care of that problem, because none of us seem to notice his regular movement anymore.

Then all of a sudden my sister heard them doing the nasty in the living room in the middle of the night. When she told me about it, I sort of didn't believe her. I guess I had to hear it myself, and boy did I. During a power outage in the middle of the summer, I was sitting on my bed trying to figure out what to do with all the boredom when, suddenly, my virgin ears were tainted. I had no escape from the sounds of sweet, sweet, (and a little over acted) lovin' coming from UD's apartment. As unpleasant as it was, I was a bit jealous that they at least had something to do when there was no tv or internet.

Just the other night UD and his SSD officially stepped out of bounds in my mind. They got in a HUGE fight in the MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT!!!! I'm talking, game on at like 1:30am. They threw all sorts of things at each other, there was crying, screaming, name calling, and the stomping. Someone was wearing some heals, and someone was also pouting. And they went from one end of the apartment to the other. Over and over and over and over. The whole time I was witness to how much UD wanted SSD out of his house because she is a psycho bitch. The only problem here is that UD kept saying it, but nothing was happening. He was like a broken record. My sister and I listened, laughed, teased, and laughed some more. Then around 2:30am it stopped being funny. The realization that I had to be at work in the morning was setting in. After several dares to knock on UD's door and ask SSD to actually leave, I chose the chicken shit choice of pounding on the ceiling with a broom. I had to do this 2 or 3 times before the lovers were hushed.

I went to bed pissed and woke up even more pissed when I saw that SSD's car was still parked out back. She never left. What a pussy!!!! UD yelled for 2 hours about how he wanted her out, in fact, that was the only line he used the whole time, and she was still there. And worse, it is now 8 am and I am up guzzling coffee, staring down a full day, and there is nothing but sleepy silence comeing from UD's pad. Yeah, thats right, I'm up late while they work out their problems, and they are snuggled in bed while I am struggling to get the show on the road. While I begrudgingly got ready for work, I contemplated ways to exact revenge on these idiots. The next opportuntiy I get, I am going to blare some classic Cher into their early morning hours, so they can maybe feel just a little bit like me.

I just took a smoke break from my rant and I am now too tired to work on #2. So maybe another time. I want to upload some pictures that I took because it will be more fun.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

War Crimes

We have some cat issues around these parts. The littlest one likes to fuck with the big ones. This usually happens in the middle of the living room, or worst case, at the end of my bed. Well, Pootie, the oldest and least tolerant of meddlesome kittens, sleeps on a pillow above and to the left of my head at night. It's a great spot for her because she likes to have at least one paw touching me through out most of the night, and it is cat arm's length away from my forehead. This is kind of "her spot," the others don't usually take it when she hasn't climed into bed yet, and I am very mindful not to roll over onto it. But that is usually because it has a pretty thick layer of fur on it.

I awoke from my slumber early, early this morning to some pretty heated growling. (When Pootie growls, you would think there is a giant alligator in the room. It is the most God awful noise.) Max (the kitty) was getting all up in Pootie's space at the head of the bed. She was none too happy about it and was letting him know. A small scuffle broke out and Max shot off the bed in excitement. I say excitement because he rarely backs down from a fight. He has brass balls and loves to fight. I think he just gets so worked up he has to run it off. He certainly isn't learning anything from these fights. He keeps coming back for more. Anyways, when he tore off the bed, he used my head to push off of. He scratched the side of my nose and under my eye. I look like I got bitch - slapped, by someone with a ring on or something.

At the end of the day today, I went in the restroom at work, when I looked in the mirror I realized that after my make up wore off a little bit and my dark circles were more pronounced, it kind of looked like I was involved in a minor domestic squabble. And I guess I sort of was.

Monday, October 13, 2008

On High Alert

It is cold and rainy this morning. I would be fine with it if I didn't have to go to work. I didn't sleep for shit last night. There have been a series of rapes and home invasions over the past couple months in my neighborhood. The most recent of which occurred at my old apartment building just a couple of blocks away. The news article from that incident gave a brief description of Mr. Rapist. Toltally matches the discription of the guy I found lingering outside my bedroom window late at night a couple of months ago. Spooky. Anyway, my sister worked the overnight, like she does every Sunday, and last night I just got the heebie jeebies when I was trying to fall asleep. So, I am a bit off kilter today because I slept, but kind of with one eye open. So I guess I got a half a nights sleep. Either way, I would really like to spend the whole day in bed watching movies, napping intermittently.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Used Underpants

I am going to CT for Thanksgiving with my mom and my sisters. We will be having what is basically a family reunion with my mom's side of the family. The week will go by so quickly. My mom's family wants her to move back there. I think she really wants to but she is scared of how she will afford it and being away from my sisters and I. If she moved there I would probably be close behind for two reasons. One : I loves my mamma! Two: Omaha is kind of like a big old pair of used underwear to me. I am craving some change.

Also, I've been getting into some picture stuff. I will be posting that stuff here because it has gotta go somewhere. Let me know what you think. My opinion is somewhat skewed since I think everything I make is fantastic, so your input will be oh so helpful.



Sunday, August 10, 2008

I took the best nap today. I rarely am able to nap, but I fell asleep wonderfully. The fan was lightly blowing, the covers up to my chin, just perfect. Then I woke up to this, meowing in my face. Kitty girl was hungry!
I also woke up with a numb hand because I rolled over on it. That is surely a sign of a good afternoons rest!

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

The sons of Jesus Christ

The crackheads and the drunks in my neighborhood are getting so bold. First, the other night my sister and I got home kind of late. We were sitting in my car talking for a minute after we pulled up and some crazy guy, walking down the center of the street walked right up to my window. I rolled it down a smidge so he could ask me for some change, and I could politely tell him I had none (which was the truth, I rarely have cash or change on me), but he asked me for 4 dollars and continued questioning me about quarters, dimes, nickels, and pennies. Once he realized that he wouldn't get any money from us, he decided to tell us why someone would be inclined to give some to him. Namely, he is the son of Jesus Christ, a black leprechaun, and that he could speak in tongues. He proceeded to bless us in tongues. This went on for 15 minutes before he finally headed down the road.

Just now I stepped out onto the front porch of my building to smoke a cigarette, and a man that was about a half a block down the street did a u-turn when he heard my door open and asked me if I could read. When I said yes, he asked what kinds of things I like to read. Before I could answer fully he asked where I work. Once I admitted that I work at a college he asked me if I liked poetry. I don't know if he was trying to hit on me or what, but he had a brown bag bottle in one hand, a smoke in the other, and looked like he hadn't showered in days. What the F! Are you serious?

Monday, August 4, 2008

Red Honda Road Rage

I am a pretty responsible driver. At least now I am. I toodle along on my way to work, usually staying at the speed limit. I don't cut people off, in fact, I am kind of a sissy when it comes to changing lanes on the interstate. I see people who are way more inconsiderate then me. But apparently I am the worst driver to some guy in Omaha today.

I changed lanes on the interstate this morning well before my exit ( I like to be prepared). It was right near the on ramp. There is this guy, this asshole, is getting on the interstate as I am changing into the lane that he will need to move into shortly. Not right that second. But apparently it was VERY bad for me to change lanes at the time because he FREAKED the "f" out on me, and that is the only reason I could tell why. The man literally had his head out the window while he screamed at me. His face contorted, teeth baring, face bright red, and his head completely out the window looking directly at me. Clearly it was easier for him to merge onto the interstate with his eyes off the road and the upper half of his body hanging out the window like fucking golden retriever! I would have screamed that at him if I hadn't been in noon traffic going 60 mph. But I did give him a hearty middle finger and a "we appreciate your business" smile. Yeah Take that!

So anyways, I continued on my way, a little sorry that I flipped someone the bird, but not too bad since he was way meaner. But he totally wasn't done with me. He whipped around to the other side of my car after I passed him, sped up past me, the whole time glaring into my car. As soon as he a mildly safe opportunity to get in front of me he did. Then he started to slow down so I would get even closer to him then I already was. When he he got in front of me I could see him staring at me in his rear view mirror. Then all of a sudden he hit his breaks, hard. But thanks to my cat-like reflexes I was able to slow down without hitting him, like he clearly intended. He proceeded to continue at like 35 or 40 mph. Clearly he was trying to teach me a lesson. But I am not taking shit from some pissed off bank teller in a beat up Honda, no sir. I changed lanes to rise above this nonsense, but he quickly darts over to cut me off again. Oh no he didn't! The whole time I can see him glaring at me. Dude needs to get a M***F***ing life! My God! He hung onto this longer then I did my last break up. Not to mention, as far as I can tell, he was pissed for me being careless in the first place, and to prove a point he is putting my life, his life, and countless other drivers lives in danger. The interstate is not the place to try to get someone to rear end you.

So, once I realize that he is not letting this go, I pull out my cell phone dial 911 and put it up to my ear. He got a good glimpse of that and sped off. He wasn't trying to be in my way anymore! Dumb ass should have probably thought about how easy it would be for me to get his make, model and plate number while he was pulling all this shit. I hope they scare the piss out of him if and when they find him. Hah!

Friday, August 1, 2008

Big Bean.

I'd like to introduce someone to you . . . .Frankie.

Frankie is one of my 3 cats. He is the largest of all 3 and also requires the most attention. I just got home from work and I have some time to kill so I pulled out the computer, content to read some junk, and he saddled up next to me on the bed. While petting him in the only acceptable zone (his head) I starting thinking about him and how this blog is sort of named after him.
When I first took in this little hellcat (he was small for a minute) I was talking to my dad on a daily basis for reasons I might get into later. He was the absolute worst kitten EVER! Everything annoying a cat can do, Frankie has done. He also has some kind of borderline personality disorder that makes him very nasty sometimes. He also a big tub of love. I take a lot of bad from this cat because his good is SO GOOD!
Anyway, for the first year of his life I was assaulted on an almost daily basis by vicious attacks, usually around my ankle area. He chewed almost every cord in my apartment, along with the antenna of my cell phone. He is a climber, but very clumsy and fat, so he knocks things off of every surface he meets. I could go on forever about all the things this cat has done. So during that time I was talking to my hearing challenged father everyday, I would vent about how Frankie was driving me CRAZY! Every time my dad would ask how the cat was and I would tell him the new behavior, my dad would respond, "Frankie did What?!?" Partly because some of the stuff was so shocking and frustrating, and partly because my dad is old and his hearing sucks - especially over the phone. I also have elicited that same kind of reaction by my own behavior in the past. Sometimes I feel like that cat is a lot like me . . .frustrating, stubborn, temperamental, impulsive, and a little mean. But also, adventurous, playful, attached, beautiful, and really enjoys a good meal! :)
Frankie is known by many names around this house . . . Frankenstein, Beans, Mean Bean, Beaner, Big Pappa, Asshole. But my favorite, Mr. Franklin "Poopie Pants" Dombrowski, surely the adored grandson of my hard of hearing father.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

And the wheels start turning . . .

I met a new guy. In line for a restaurant. He just started talking to me. Then he joined my sister and I because he was alone. I was out until 6 am talking and making out. Its been a while since I have done something like that. He is a really good kisser, and he keeps telling me how pretty I am. This kind of thing doesn't ever happen to me. I wonder what he is up to or what he is after. I need to stop being so suspicious. My sister practically did a full background check on him before I got home, you know . . . .just in case. Nothing questionable, other then a really cute picture. Trying to keep the expectations to a minimum and enjoy him in the moment. He is unique, handsome, smart, thoughtful, gentle, and extremely tidy. He has long wavy hair down to his butt and a perfect smile. We shall see . . .

This is totally a what? moment. And an even better Oh Boy!

Monday, July 21, 2008

Things that used to be mine

This is the main stairwell and railings in my old building. I used to love coming home at night because the lights inside would warm up the wood and it seemed like it glowed. This picture doesn't do it justice. It was taken during the day, moving day to be exact.

This is the bathroom light fixture in my old apartment. I used to live in an old mansion that was converted into apartments. Before I moved out, I took pictures of some of my favorite parts of it.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

A little bit.

Just got a new laptop today. Yay! for me! I have been needing one. Super long weekend. Lots of busy work stuff. VERY HOT! Broken air conditioner since friday that finally got fixed today. It feels so good in my apartment. I am going to sleep so so soooo good tonight. My sister updated her blog today about her new dog. Fun stories will surely follow. Anyhoo, I am going to try to figure out how to put a picture on this post. So wish me luck.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Storm of the Century . . .

Holy crap! I think a hurricane went through Omaha, Nebraska. They say its not a tornado, just a thunderstorm, but 70 - 80 mile an hour winds. So not normal.

I live in, as does most of my family and friends, an older part of town. The power lines are typically above ground, hanging out with like 200 year old trees. Giant trees. Trees that might kill you if they fell down. And they did. Yesterday. Two people actually died from a tree falling on their car. That is very sad. Thankfully, my family and friends are safe.

My neighborhood is trashed. The power finally came back on in our apartment in the middle of the night. I am about to head out to work. We'll see how things have improved.

I'll right more later, but I have to go eat breakfast.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Um Yeah.

Sister is out unusually late. She sent me a text around 9:30pm saying she would be home soon. No response to any texts. It's 11pm, I'm getting really worried.

Also, the parking outside my building has been for shit lately. I think a bunch of slow folk moved in somewhere in the vicinity. They park on the street spaced apart so that half the amount of people can park on the street that normally can. So annoying. It's bad enough that I can just barely parallel park my car because its a giant milk carton, but now the few spaces that are available are tiny. Can I leave notes on peoples cars? Call my landlord? Anything? Seriously.

Update: Sister just called. She had her phone on silent and didn't get my texts. She's okay.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Too young for bras and other grown up things . . .

Okay . . . so my sister got a new kitten. I have 3 big cats. Yes, folks, that's 3 + 1 = 4, FOUR CATS! DANGER! You have just passed Sort of a Cat Lady forest and are now deep in Definitely a Cat Lady land. Anyway, new baby kitten (Max) has turned into quite the rambunctious little dude. My sister works the occasional 16 hour shift, and when that happens I am solely responsible for ALL FOUR CATS. Now I can handle this. I am a veteran in kitten world. I once lived in a studio apartment with 3 cats. I can handle just about anything that is thrown at me. Other then the constant biting of my toes (and last night - my inner thighs!) Max is pretty cool. But he is nosy. And he is very concerned with my bras, especially the one that was hanging on the handle of my closet door. This tasty bra was hanging by one arm strap, so the other strap or loop, if you will, was close to the floor. Max likes to spend our late evening hours laying on his back below the bra, licking, chewing, and pawing at the end of it. So I am in my bed reading, I have almost completely blocked out all the noises the cats are making. All of a sudden my tired ears focus in on a tiny little meow (definitely Max) but something is off. It's not his I-want-your-dinner cry or his I'm-gonna-kick-your-ass wail, which he tends to unleash right before he launches himself at one of the big cats hindquarters - claws and teeth gleaming. I also sense that it is not just the slow lazy drawl he is prone to when he is bored and looking for something to fuck with. This is short and quick with a hint of panic. When I finally hoist my lazy ass up, I see that in the process of playing with my bra, he had gotten his head inside the arm loop and twisted it tight to make a little elastic noose. Now, he wasn't hanging, just sitting there with very good posture, because moving made it tighten. Those little short meows were the plea for immediate assistance from a very scared little boy. He hasn't bothered with a bra since. Smart kitty.

Monday, May 26, 2008

Confessions of a former Chain Smoker.

So I have been a non-smoker for like 3 1/2 weeks. I just spent time with 2 friends that I don't see very often last night, both these people were less then pleased with my smoking. I guess my sparkling personality is what kept them coming back for more for so long. Anyways I guess I just wanted to comment on something that I didn't think that I would feel when I quit smoking. I knew I would crave it and eventually get grossed out from the smell, probably get a few headaches from the withdrawls, but there is one thing I didn't anticipate. I am missing a huge part of my personality. I don't know if it is a good part. Or maybe it is that I have a very underdeveloped portion of my personality. One of my friends commented on how different I acted as a non-smoker. I think the cigarette was a safety blanket. Smoking used to be something that broke the ice to talk to someone new, got me out of a situation by letting me "step outside" to smoke, it even gave me something to do with my hands when I didn't know where to put them. But now I am sort of forced to just be me, no fillers, no excuses or escapes. I feel more clean, clear, and responsive. It is awesome.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Ketch - Up!

So I'm back! Its only been, oh a couple months. The last time I posted I was buying a car and moving. The car is still fine. Not as cool when you start having to pay for it. I moved. My sister and I have had our first fights. Yes, that was plural. But all in all I think it is going to be okay. I don't really want to go into it all. What's more important right now is what is on my mind. I have been thinking so much lately about consequences and responsibility. I used to think very little about the repercussions of my actions. Smoking, shopping, partying, etc. As I get a little bit older I am starting to realize that I can't keep acting like I don't have to worry about the future. Basically, I wish I would have listened to my parents more. So kids, listen to your parents, they are right about somethings. But they are not right about the whole eat your whole plate because there are starving kids in China. There are starving kids in China, but you are not going to help feed them by eating all of your food, you are just going to develop bad eating habits and get fat, so just eat until you are full. Good night.

Oh, I should probably tell you why I named my blog that. Maybe next time.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008


Holy Crap! I suck at blogging. So life has been all sorts of crazy recently. First, my car died, or I should say, it became too insanely expensive to fix. So I bought a new-to-me car! Woo to the Hoo! It is a black Honda Element, circa 2003. And I'm totally loving it. But of course, the day of and following the purchase, I was my usual neurotic self. One thing you should all know about me is that I HATE CHANGE!! No matter how much I want it, or think I need it, I hate it when it comes. Most normal people will enjoy something like a new car, especially if they were driving a beater like my old one, but not me, no way, I will worry and fret constantly about whether or not it was the right choice. Then I will start to think that I made a mistake. Good news: 3 weeks after my purchase I am finally happy with it. I am enjoying it every time I drive. No worrying about gas mileage, size, if it sounds right when I start it, if I heard a funny noise when I put it in reverse. Nope, just complete enjoyment of being able to opend my driver side door from the outside, enjoying strong heat, defrost on both the windshield and the rear window, and not feeling like my ass is dragging on the pavement! Also looking forward to using my airconditioning in the summer!!!

Oh, I will also be joining forces with my sister Lydia in the world of apartment renting. That means that we are moving in together. We have a place rented, and we will be moving in at the end of March. Pretty much everyone that knows the both of us, thinks this is a bad idea. Lydia and I used to fight like no other. It would be safe to say that we were mortal enemies, but in the last couple of years we have become good friends. Maturity snuck up on both of us, and all of a sudden I enjoy hanging out with her. I look forward to it. When she called and asked me to consider being her roommate, I felt an overwhelming feeling like it would be a good thing. And ever since that, I still feel the same, for the most part. I mean I questioned a little bit early on, but my gut kept telling me it was the right thing. I think this is the first time, in a long time, that I seem to be handling a big change well. Of course it hasn't actually happened yet. So we'll see.

Goodnight Internet, I have run out of things to say!

Thursday, January 17, 2008

This helped.

by Veronica Shorffstall

After a while you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,

And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't mean security,

And you begin to understand that kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises.

And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head held high and your eyes open,
With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child.

You learn to build your roads
On today because tomorrow's ground Is too uncertain for plans, and futures have
A way of falling down in midflight.

After a while you learn that even sunshine
Burns if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden and decorate
Your own soul, instead of waiting
For someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you can really endure,
That you really are strong
And you really do have worth

And you learn and learn ...
and you learn

With every goodbye you learn.


So today sucked. I thought I met a great guy, worried a ton that I would inevitably screw it up, ended getting a polite heave ho. What's with the excuse "I don't have the time or the energy that is needed in a new relationship." Is it a nice way of saying " I am not ready for a relationship"? Possibly. But today it seemed like a very layered and convoluted way of saying " You are not worth my time and energy." This whole stream of thought probably seems insane to most people, but right now it makes perfect sense to me. I really don't want to go through all the details, mainly because I am too tired. I will say however, dating sucks. And although this most recent guy was not serious, the way that I took his rejection is that I am not worth the work and the effort that it takes in a new relationship. This all has confirmed some of my deepest fears, that I am not good enough. Keep in mind, this is all untrue, but it is the way it feels to me. It is, again, a reminder that I need to learn to love me before I can allow someone else too. So, in light of it being January 17th, not that far into 2008, I am going to resolve to get to know Lauren better, meaning, strengthening my own identity and work on being happy with me. That is part of what this blog is about. I know that no one is actually reading this, and I think I actually prefer it that way, but it will hopefully become therapeutic for me. So, night night, sleep tight.